It hurts realize how alone you actually are in this world.
So many people, and the ones that actually care about you... well they fit in one single hand and there's fingers left.

I'm just going to cry myself to sleep... or emerge my thoughts on some fantasy world where I matter.

on following your dreams

"There are so many people that use 'following your dreams' as an excuse to not work,When in reality, following your dreams, successfully, is nothing but work."

 by Brandon Stanton, photographer (Humans of New York)

a mass of contradictions

"You appear to be a mass of contradictions; there’s a subsurface violence almost always in control, but very much alive. There’s also a pensiveness that seems painful for you, yet you rarely give vent to the anger that pain must provoke."

from The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum

On the observer separed from the events

"He could feel, think, see, perceive panic and struggle—yet strangely there was peace. It was the calm of the observer, the uninvolved observer, separated from the events, knowing of them but not essentially involved."

from The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum

Everything starts with a dream...

Everything Starts with a Dream Notebook Diary

Dreams and Stories come hand in hand with me. As long with notebooks and notepads to record them.
I'm an only child. So I've always played by myself, with my toys.
I've never been a loud child. When I played the dialogues of my toys and plots where all in my head.

Back in the day I know I use to dream. But I don't remember none of dreams. In exceptions for a very weird dream I use to have.
I would dream I was in some place like a restaurant, and it was pretty much empty. I was with one of my cousins (the only one who as the same age as me) and I know Captain Hook was coming to get us. (What?) We run to hide, and the only place we have to hide is an low cupboard all in transparent glass. The cupboard had some thick bordeaux/burgundy velvet curtains to hide what was inside. Inside of the cupboard where these HUGE ceramic plates, where we could sit over. And then after carefully sitting in the plate I would wake. Now if I tell you that one of my favourite movies is Hook (played by Dustin Hoffman and with Robbie Williams as Peter Pan)? And that one of my favourites characters was actually the Captain Hook? Or that the first theatre play I ever saw was Peter Pan? This dream never made sense to me. And probably it's not even suppose to. But I never forgot about it.

Dream Always and Forever Quote Notebook

In the hot summer of 2005, I was in my grandparents house spending a few days. I think it was the first time I was aware of daydreaming. And not the sort of daydreaming with something I wanted to do. Daydreaming with made up stories completely made up by my own head. It was AWESOME!
Gradually I've started to keep doing it.
I would tell myself stories to sleep, I would entertain myself when I needed to go somewhere, when I was in the car for long travels... Usually this sort of daydreaming leads me to actually sleep. Even if it is just for a nap.
I've also started to keep record of my favourite ideas of stories. I've still have most of these, though I know that most of them will never be anything more than some scribbles made by and dreamy teenager.

The jar of Dreams Notebook

From 2005 to 2008/2009 I've woke up many times in the morning with such awesome dreams that I would turn into stories. Into a point that if I didn't record the dream as it was, I din't know where the dream stop and my imagination begin. I have a couple of notebooks full with dreams and the main plot of stories that I've started to imagine. Most of them I look on them and I still love them.
Some of these stories (a tiny part) I shared with some and very few selected friends.
Maybe it's because I've dream it, I feel that these stories are very personal. It might also be because most of times I see myself of one of the main characters. Though 99% of the times the characters have nothing to do with me.

What inspired me to have such dreams? Well it could be anything, a movie I had seen, a book I've read. Most of the times I couldn't pin point what was my inspiration. But then I would stay inspired to write and spend time with these characters.

Unfortunately from 2009 until this day this sort of dreams have been decreasing, most of the times I don't even write them. I still create stories in my mind, I still tell them to myself to entertain me or to make me sleep. But I don't have as much dreams with great ideas as I use to have.

I've been thinking about the fact that I didn't write as much as I use to. I miss it.
It's definitely something I need to schedule in my time and to-do-list - Take time to daydream and write!

What about you, what sort of dreams you use to have?

Dreams Diary Notebook

currently reading or about to read

Things on my desk that I'm currently reading or about to read.

1. The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin by Beatrix Potter
Recently I've been collecting things with squirrels. When I found about this book I had to have to. Beatrix Potter illustration are beautiful, and just that makes worth the buy of the book.

2. A Midsummer Night's Dream & 3. Much Ado About Nothing
My favourite plays written by William Shakespeare. I haven't read them in English yet. I know it won't be easy to read but I'm looking forward to it.

4. Print Workshop by Christine Schmidt (Yellow Owl Workshop) & 5. Printing by Hand by Lena Corwin
I've been researching for some workshops I'll be giving this month about block printing and these two books were part of that research.

6. Monocle issue 76, volume 08 September 2014
It's been almost two years that I've been buying and reading this magazine monthly. This is the current issue that I'm reading.

I can walk for miles and miles

I was reading How to Master The Shoes Selfie when I remember to talk about my new sandals.
I know I know the Summer is almost over. But I've been on the hunt for some sandals for a long while.
I knew what I wanted but I was having troubles in finding specially in a price range I could afford.

I've been fan of the Fly London shoes for a few years. (If I could I would have all of my shoes by that brand). Their shoes can have funky colours, wierd shapes and when you walk (in the ones I've tried) it looks like you're flying! I know it's cheesy, and I promise this is not even sponsored, it's how nice this shoes and sandals are to my feet.

This might be a bit TMI but my feet are very flat, so I always need to have some sort of support under the feet so I can stand walk and put my feet on the ground for even short periods of time.

Fly London thought have many of their shoes been produced in Portugal, it's not a very affordable brand, but sometimes the craftsmen and the sole quality make it worth the price.

I have a platform shoes from the brand in black that I love. Unfortunately I can't say that I use them a lot. In the past couple years if I used them once it was too much. Because they weren't the cheapest thing I tend to think that they are my fancy shoes, while I should think that they should be more like my regular shoes. But I'm running away from the subject.

Fly London Woman's Bow Gladiator Sandals

I was browsing in and these sandals were on sale for a very good price. For a bit I was sorry it wasn't the teal version the one with the best price, but then I remembered that one of my favourite sandals ever where actually in brown, and that I've wear them to death. Besides I have a lot of bags in brown. And Brown it's almost a neutral colour and goes with most of the colours.

I was concern about the sizing, because I had to buy them in UK size, and I didn't know if they were a true size. It turn out they are true size (like I was hoping them to be). The first day I wear them I might have walked a little to much. I had a blister in each feet, but I've walked so well, that I was too much wowed to even bother about the blisters. The second time I used them they didn't bother me at all.

It was such a bargain, the perfect model of sandals (in my opinion) from one of my favourite brands, with such rich and beautiful colour (it's way prettier in life than in the website) and that make me feel I can walk for miles!

Photo took with my phone.

*this post it's not sponsored, just my true opinion and feelings about my new sandals!

The Beard man said - Quote from Horns

"What he remembered was everything dark and roaring noise and a whirling sense of motion. He was poured forth into a thunderous torrent of souls, ejected from the earth and any sense of order and into this other, older chaos. He was in horror of it, appalled by the thought that this might be what waited after death. He felt he was being swept away, not just from his life but from God, the idea of God, or hope, or reason, the idea that things made sense, that cause followed effect, and it ought not to be like this, Ig felt, death ought not to be like this, even for sinners.
He struggled in that furious current of noise and nothing. The blackness seemed to shatter and peel away to show a muddy glimpse of sky but then closed back over him. When he felt himself weakening and sinking away, he had the sense of being grabbed and tugged along from beneath. Then, abruptly, there was something more solid under him. It felt like mud. A moment later he heard a far-off cry and was struck in the back."

in Horns by Joe Hill

perfect! Such graphic description that I could almost sense it myself.

Anatomy of a Book - August Wrap Up

In the month of August I've read a lot of things from different styles.
Though I think what I've read most were comics. Let's check that! (Are you ready for a really long post?)


Dresden Files by Jim Butcher

In July I've started to read a new series of books that mix fantasy with detective sort of book. The series are called Dresden Files, and they are about Harry Dresden, wizard.
So far I'm loving it. The books aren't predictable, and they have loads of twists. I hope they keep like this way. And I've been founding out that this one of my favourite combos for books and TV shows - Fantasy + Detective/Police (like the series Grim which reminds I should keep seeing the second season)

In the Dresden Files series there are 15 books so far and are written by Jim Butcher. In August I've read/listen three of them.
Yes, I've been reading these series in the audiobook form, the english is not very hard, and the audio is read by the actor James Marsters (Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV show) which has this amazing voice. When I've routine work to do, something that doesn't require me to think I like to listening to these books

I've read the 3th Book - Grave Peril, the 4th Summer Knight and the 5th Death Masks.
I've also heard that the series really get good from the 6th book on so, I'm excited to keep reading.

The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan

I've started to read another series - Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan
I've been for a long time wanting to read this series, because I love mythology and Greek Gods.
I really don't understand why I took me so long.
Easy and quick to read (since it's more of a kids book it makes sense to be easy). The story is quite straight forward.

If the Greek Gods exist? What if the heroes/ demi-gods lived among us?
Those are some of the premises of this series. Percy Jackson is son of Poseidon and with his new friends has to go on quest to recover the lightning stole from Zeus.

I know I will continue to read this series!


I wanted to read something light and quick around the middle of the month so I picked this book.
It's was ok. Definitely not my favourite book from the author, but still a nice romance.

Here's a quick synopsis of the book
"To the residents of Whiskey Beach, it's landmark and legend. To Eli Landon, it's home...

A Boston lawyer, Eli has weathered an intense year of public scrutiny and police investigation after being accused of murdering his soon-to-be ex-wife. And though there was never enough evidence to have him arrested, his reputation is in tatters as well as his soul. He need sanctuary. He needs Bluff House.

While Eli's beloved grandmother is in Boston, recuperating from a nasty fall, Abra Walsh has card for Bluff House, among her other jobs as yoga instructor, jewellery maker, and massage therapist. She is a woman with an open heart and a wide embrace, and no one is safe from her special, some would say over-bearing, brand of nurturing - including Eli."


Along Came a Spider by James Patterson

I've also read Along Came a Spider and wrote a hole post about it!

Now into the Comics

Hercules: The Thracian Wars by Steve Moore

If I hadn't seen  the year of publication I would say (by the covers) that these issues of Hercules The Thracian Wars was quite older. But when you open it, you can see it's something contemporary.

I was drawn to attention of this comic book a few weeks ago, not just because of the coming film but also an interview with (another comic book writer) Alan Moore, where he talked about the film adaptation and other serious issues (if you know all about read it here

I really like the art of this comic book, it's detailed and you can have a very cinematographic feel of the era, and also of the action. From what I know about Hercules life and Greek Mythology I can tell that everything seems quite accurate and and loyal to what's known.

This is not a comic book for all audiences, it's gloomy, bloody and gory. If what you like is fluffy characters and cute comics, this might be out of your alley.

Wet Moon by Ross Campbell 

Wet Moon, Volume 1: Feeble Wanderings | Wet Moon, Volume 2: Unseen Feet | Wet Moon Volume 3: Further Realms of Fright | Wet Moon Volume 4: Drowned in Evil | Wet Moon Volume 5: Where All Stars Fail to Burn

I know Ross's art for years and years, since I was in deviantart, I've always love it.
At last this month I've read the most of his comics from Wet Moon series (from 1 to 5) There's only one missing.
I find the story line a bit confusing, though when you keep reading you start to understand more about the characters and their relationships. I love the art and the crazy characters, I really can't forget to read the last one.

More art by Ross Campbell

Lumberjanes by Noelle Stevenson

I've also read the first four issues of the Lumberjanes.
First can we talk about the art? It's awesome!
Second - the characters... SUPER fun! with so much character and this is just the beginning of the Lumberjanes Series.
Three - how cool is five girls in the woods fighting three eye foxes? Super cool! I'm super excited to keep reading these series!
American Virgin, Volume 1: Head | American Virgin, Volume 2: Going Down | American Virgin, Volume 3: Wet | American Virgin, Volume 4: Around The World

What drawn me into these comics was the cover of the first issue. I've seen it a few years ago - somewhere - and it stuck in my mind. Recently I've stumble on it again and I was curious enough to actually start reading it. I have to say also that I prefer the cover of the single issues instead of the Volumes, and that I prefer the first ones that the last ones.

In this first volume are reunited the 1-4 issues.
The comic mainly focus on the character Adam Chamberlain, young adult Christian preacher promoting sexual abstinence until marriage. Adam is proud of his virginity and his engagement to his girlfriend Cassie, currently on a peace corps mission in Africa (near the border with Mozambique); he believes she was chosen by God to be his wife.
Adam can't wait for his girlfriend to come back from Africa, but for some reason not explained in the book, Cassie is murdered and beheaded by terrorists.I know the main focus on the book isn't about the situation in Africa, but I wish to understand why Cassie was there, and also the reason of the conflicts.
Adam, against his parents wishes, flee with his stepsister Cyndi to South Africa where he tries to find answers for Cassie's death.
Along that path they met a mercenary named Mel, who claims he can help him to find answers Adam wants and need.

I've really enjoyed reading this comics. Not just the covers are stunning, as the artwork inside. The story keep me going, there's a lot of conflicts between the characters believes and actions. There is a lot of hypocrisy in most of the characters, but to me that only make them feel more real. At the first sight things are presented to you in some way, but as you read along you found out there is more. For example the main character Adam Chamberlain is a virgin who preaches to other young people about sexual abstinence. You might think that people around him would actually think about it in the same way. But that's not so simple. His family, his dysfunction family is completely sex obsessed. From his teen brother, to his bully stepbrothers and his stepsister. His mother and stepfather in the other hand are more worried about Adam's talks in public than his feelings about his girlfriend died. They are more worried about him as a public figure, than about him as a person. Nasty couple.

My biggest issue with the whole series is the fact that the Chamberlain's are rich or at the least very wealthy, to the point that Adam's catches de air-plane in a heart beat to get to Africa. Everything seems so effort less, oh I want to got there, and I go. I know it's fiction, but it's still bothers me.

and last... but not least
The Unwritten, Vol. 1: Tommy Taylor and the Bogus Identity by Mike Carey

When I pick comic books the cover artwork is a turning point. I've been eyeing this comic for a while. The name is also so intriguing!!
I didn't read anything about it, so I didn't know what to expect.
It blew my mind completely!!
It not just about books, but also the possibility of a guy be a fictional character in the real world. I'm so looking forward to keep reading these comics.

Phew that was a long list of books! I hope I can read as much the next month. We'll see. ;)
Have a nice week and beginning of September.

Anatomy of a Book - Along Came a Spider

Finally I've finished the book "Along Came a Spider" a thriller with the detective Alex Cross by James Paterson [it was also adapted to film - and the main character - Alex Cross was played by Morgan Freeman - you can watch the trailer here].

It took a lot more to read than I was expecting!

Book cover
This is my short review I wrote in Goodreads

Along Came a Spider (Alex Cross, #1)Along Came a Spider by James Patterson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is was my first time reading James Patterson. I enjoy it. But at the same time it was constant struggle to keep reading the book. Not because of the written, neither because of the story itself. But because I've seen the movie and kept comparing both things.

I think if I've read the book before watching the movie I wouldn't like the movie. The story of the movie is way more simple and kind of straight forward than the book. The story line and characthers are much more complex.

From the detective Alex Cross, to his family, from the Gary Soneji (the kidnapper of Maggie Rose) to the charecther of Jezzie Flanagan (Secrect Service supervisor), all the characthers have side stories, some even secret agendas. It's a great thriller.

I'll be for sure keep reading more Alex Cross thrillers.

View all my reviews

Back in 2011 I have made a small review from Kiss the Girls which is also inspired in James Patterson thrillers book with Alex Cross character.
For some reason I've never reviewed the Along Came a Spider.
I'm looking forward to read the rest of the Novels about Alex Cross, though I don't picture the character as Morgan Freeman when I read it. I might have to re-watch the "Kiss the Girls" to see if I connect it more with the character.

From what I recall from the Along Came a Spider as movie, the character of Alex Cross (Morgan Freeman) is the main point in the plot (nor in the book, but in the book most of the chapters are told in the first person by Alex Cross himself). But though I really like the movie and the story, I've always felt there was something missing in some part of the stories, some parts that didn't make much sense, and know that I've read the book I know why.

Bites & Bits of my week

This week was mix between busy week with a few relaxing moments at the same time.

Between custom notebooks - from sketches until almost the final product, through orders of address books and planners.

I love it. I just need to adjust a few things for this to perfect.

And that means get a routine. Yeap it's an old story around here. Get routine, do things, draw a lot, and sell a lot too. Among other things. I hope this month of August I can finally get into that.

Take advantage of my time and put up another store on etsy with a few things my grandma does. I've been promising that for a while now, and I haven't made it.

I've been reading a lot lately, and also care about book in general. That, for some reason, lead me to find a lot of youtubers who review books... I didn't even know that existed! Most of them are teenagers, but hey it's entertaining listening what they have to say.

For some reason I thought it was about time to organise my digital books... Yeah, it has been all weekend around it. Now I only have the one I really want to read, but still they need to be better categorized. Oh boy here I go again to that.

All photos of this post were took by me - can be seen originally in my instagram.

Bites and Bits of my Summer 2014

 Há mais de um ano que não posto consistentemente neste espaço. Esta semana apeteceu-me mudar isso.
Aqui ficam algumas coisas que recentemente tenho feito.

Com a Nuts for Paper e a Casa d'Amendoeira fizemos uma segunda exposição. Quase um ano depois da primeira, a comemorar o nosso primeiro ano de Nuts for Paper. Criámos um espaço como se fosse uma sala. Fizemos almofadas, sacos, pintámos peças de cerâmica e muitas outras ilustrações originais! 

[foto da organização da Feira das Almas]
No segundo aniversário da Feira das Almas estive por lá com a Nuts for Paper. Um fim-de-semana mega cansativo com música a bombar durante o dia todo e muitas horas em pé com um calor acentuado. Mas valeu a pena! Conhecemos pessoas que seguem o que fazemos e que nunca tinhamos conhecido, conhecemos outros artistas... eu até trouxe alguns prints absolutamente fantásticos de outros artistas. Agora por isso... ainda não os pendurei nas paredes do meu quarto!
 Workshop de Feltragem com a Maria Filipe da The Fabulous Creations of Maria Filipe Castro | Workshop na Casa d'Amendoeira | [fotografias © Casa d'Amendoeira] - Eu estou na última fotografia do lado direito a fazer bolacinhas de feltro.

Projecto das Bolachas | Workshop de Feltragem com a Maria Filipe da The Fabulous Creations of Maria Filipe Castro | Workshop na Casa d'Amendoeira  [fotografias © Casa d'Amendoeira] - E no final do workshop, como era o aniversário da Casa d'Amendoeira até tivemos direito a um cupcake... É claro que o do monstro das bolachas tinha que ser eu a comer... não fosse eu uma verdadeira monstrinha no que toca a comer bolachinhas com pepitas de chocolate.

Montra da Casa d'Amendoeira desenhada por mim e com type desenhada pela Catarina como Nuts for Paper. Eramos para dar um workshop em que a bicicleta seria o mote, mas depois pensámos melhor e adiámos para Setembro. 

Acabei este trabalho de design e ilustração para a Inês Fonseca da Creatureshire. Brevemente partilho no Behance e no meu blog de desenho o processo desde o desenho ao produto final!

No início do ano desafiaram-me para irmos ao Optimus Alive (agora NOS Alive), mal sabia no que me ia meter. Estava um calor ATROZ! Ao ponto de chegar ao festival e já ter bebido um litro e meio de água!
Estava tudo doido para ir ver Arctic Monkeys e Imagine Dragons, de tal maneira doido que só não subiam pelo palco acima e encavalitavam-se uns em cima dos outros porque havia gradeamento e seguranças à volta do palco e espera... houve em todos os concertos malta às cavalitas dos outros.

Juntámo-nos um grupinho (faltam aqui duas pessoas... epah que me desculpem mas é que não me gosto de ver nas outras fotos em que por acaso estamos todos... e como provavelmente nem vem aqui ao blog estou desculpada por ignorância de terceiras partes) [foto tirada pelo Ivo]

Eu e as caras (aparentemente parvas) que faço a comer... queques ou melhor um queque de chocolate. [foto tirada pelo Ivo]

E não há só um registo disso, são logo dois!! E com o mesmíssimo queque! [foto tirada pela Cris]

Tive pena de não ter ido ver ao palco Heineken o concerto do Noiserv, fiquei a ver Ben Howard no palco principal e tirando uma mísera música que conhecia melhor o resto do concerto deu-me sono. Felizmente os The Lumineers encheram o palco com boa música e boa disposição. A partir daí foi sempre a subir com Imagine Dragons a pôr a malta toda a cantar, Interpol com grande som e o piece de resistance - os Arctic Monkeys!

[foto tirada pelo Ivo] Que tem à vontade mais um palco do que eu em altura. Concertos em locais direitos não dá para quem é baixinho. O que me valeu foram os ecrãs e as abertas entre as pessoas.

Quem não aguentou nem um quarto dos concertos foram os meus pézinhos e as minhas costas. Tantas dorzinhas de pés de estar parada no mesmo sítio. Nem mesmo com calçado confortável fiquei confortável muito tempo. Cheguei ao final da noite com as calças num estado empoeirado que parecia que tinha andado a rebolar na terra. Eu só estive sentada na terra... porque o asfalto e a falsa relva estava ocupada!!

Conclusões que retirei desta minha primeira ida a um festival, não vale a pena ir muito cedo, tens filas para entrar e se está muito calor, apanhas calor na fila, apanhas calor enquanto esperas (e desesperas) para que os concertos comecem, especialmente se for um festival de rua e com palcos sem sombra. Quanto mais à frente tentas estar, mais apertada ficas, menos espaço para sentares tens, e menos vês... Outra conclusão, a fauna local dos festivais são uns porcos que atiram garrafas e copos de plástico o que é terrível para andar, especialmente quando se tem as pernas entorpecidas e está tudo escuro. Tirando isso até foi um dia bem passado.

[foto tirada pela Catarina] Estas sãos as nossas caras de quem veio da festa. Estávamos todos ressequidos e cheios de sede a apanhar o fresquinho da noite!

É claro que no dia a seguir não me apetecia sequer sair de casa, mas até saí. Fui substituir o meu tablet avariado e sem arranjo por um novo. Um Acer Iconia B1, super catita, fácil de transpostar com uma risquinha azul, um miminho! Mais rápido e potente que o anterior. Ainda não o larguei.

No sábado ou tinha ficado em casa a procastinar (e era o que me apetecia quando me levantei) ou ia dar uma curva. Fui a Lisboa. Já algum tempo que estava para fazer um workshop na Casa Nic e Inês, quando soube que iam fazer um com a Yara Kono como convidada pensei logo, é agora!
O tema do workshop era o Álbum Ilustrado, e depois fizemos um pequeno exercicio de fazer um pequeno album ilustrado. Eu escolhi uma história verídica que me aconteceu quando era pequena.
Assim que acabar os desenhos mostro tudinho!

Foto tirada pela Casa Nic e Inês
até breve!
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Love what you o

” The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As whit all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” 
- Steve Jobs

she wanted words

Kate Moss Sketch (091/365) from a outra mafalda

She wanted words I couldn't give her. Why she wanted a word? Phrases? Weren't my actions the prove enough? Telling her the words would mean let her in, without no further barriers. Whispering sweet little lies in her ear was not longer enough... she wanted us to be one (such romantic idea). But to be one, I wasn't ready to give up of  my individuality, my freedom or free will. To tell her the words was the beginning a prison of words and commitment, that I wasn't sure to want to start... (with her).

I'll keep doing my thing

Estou a ter um momento de f*ck the world!

Há dias e momentos que parece que só existem obstáculos e mais obstáculos. Por muito que uma pessoa queira manter o espírito aberto e positivo há sempre algo ou alguém a fazer cair-nos no buraco.

(é em momentos destes que passo de uma melancolia absurda a raiva cega com picos alternados de apatia -mas desistir é que não faz parte dos planos!).

On being more naive and simple-hearted

“As a general rule, people, even the wicked, are much more naïve and simple-hearted than we suppose. And we ourselves are, too.”
 — Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

On unconditional Love

"I was told love should be unconditional. That’s the rule, everyone says so. But if love has no boundaries, no limits, no conditions, why should anyone try to do the right thing ever? If I know I am loved no matter what, where is the challenge? I am supposed to love Nick despite all his shortcomings. And Nick is supposed to love me despite my quirks. But clearly, neither of us does. It makes me think that everyone is very wrong, that love should have many conditions. Love should require both partners to be their very best at all times. Unconditional love is an undisciplined love, and as we all have seen, undisciplined love is disastrous."

- Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Can a small group make a difference?

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” 

- Margaret Mead

On being an only child

"Our only one. There is an unfair responsibility that comes with being an only child – you grow up knowing you aren’t allowed to disappoint, you’re not even allowed to die. There isn’t a replacement toddling around; you’re it. It makes you desperate to be flawless, and it also makes you drunk with the power. In such ways are despots made." 
- Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Meaning of To become spring

Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.
— The Little Prince 

Inner monologues

«A lot of people lacked that gift: knowing when to fuck off. People love talking, and I have never been a huge talker. I carry on an inner monologue, but the words often don’t reach my lips. She looks nice today, I’d think, but somehow it wouldn’t occur to me to say it out loud. My mom talked, my sister talked. I’d been raised to listen. So, sitting on the couch by myself, not talking, felt decadent.»

- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

On pretending to have a personality

«I was pretending, the way I often did, pretending to have a personality. I can’t help it, it’s what I’ve always done: The way some women change fashion regularly, I change personalities. What persona feels good, what’s coveted, what’s au courant? I think most people do this, they just don’t admit it, or else they settle on one persona because they’re too lazy or stupid to pull off a switch."

- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

it’s been years since I even really liked someone

«I go home and cry for a while. I am almost thirty-two. That’s not old, especially not in New York, but fact is, it’s been years since I even really liked someone. So how likely is it I’ll meet someone I love, much less someone I love enough to marry? I’m tired of not knowing who I’ll be with, or if I’ll be with anyone.»

- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

about the same eared script.

«I can’t recall a single amazing thing I have seen firsthand that I didn’t immediately reference to a movie or TV show. A fucking commercial. You know the awful singsong of the blasé: Seeeen it. I’ve literally seen it all, and the worst thing, the thing that makes me want to blow my brains out, is: The secondhand experience is always better. The image is crisper, the view is keener, the camera angle and the soundtrack manipulate my emotions in a way reality can’t anymore. I don’t know that we are actually human at this point, those of us who are like most of us, who grew up with TV and movies and now the Internet. If we are betrayed, we know the words to say; when a loved one dies, we know the words to say. If we want to play the stud or the smart-ass or the fool, we know the words to say. We are all working from the same dog-eared script. It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless automat of characters. And if all of us are play-acting, there can be no such thing as a soul mate, because we don’t have genuine souls.»

- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

On envolving style

The style of the house hasn’t been planned. It’s a spontaneous accumulation of things I’ve gathered for years. I believe that when you consistently buy things that speak to you, they work together. Style should evolve, You have to be open to change.” 

words of Anne Ziegler via sfgirlbybay blog on the domino sneak peak blog post.

On finding peace

unknown source

Infinitive Mutability

"Love is the world’s infinite mutability; lies, hatred, murder even, are all knit up in it; it is the inevitable blossoming of its opposites, a magnificent rose smelling faintly of blood." Tony Kushner

é tudo a mesma coisa

é sempre a mesma coisa!

só faz falta quem está certo? pelo menos é o que se diz.
a minha vida pontua-se pelas ausências, daí fazer falta... bem em lado nenhum. Muitas vezes nem quando estou presente. (e é quando custa mais)

em que posição é que isto me deixa? ermita... solitária. cada vez me consola mais essa situação. só, mas oh orgulhosamente só! (ridículo pensamento) apesar de cada vez mais real. 
nem no mundo virtual faço contactos. 

estou a chegar a um quarto de século e a realidade é que cada vez mais me isolo, seja duma maneira ou de outra. cada vez mais me fecho e protejo os meus pensamentos e sentimentos, de tudo, de todos.
é fácil refugiar-me na ficção e em projectos-que-um-dia-vou-começar-e-talvez-acabar.

e assim se passam os dias enquanto a primavera teima em não chegar.

The Chamber of Unreasonble Guilt

''Recognizing the structure of your psychology doesn’t mean that you can easily rebuild it. The Chamber of Unreasonable Guilt is part of my mental architecture, and I doubt that I will ever be able to renovate that particular room in this strange castle that is me.''
Dean Koontz in Odd Thomas.

On believing - Quote

«Most people desperately desire to believe that they are part of a great mystery, that Creation is a work of grace and glory, not merely the result of random forces colliding. Yet each time that they are given but one reason to doubt, a worm in the apple of the heart makes them turn away from a thousand proofs of the miraculous, whereupon they have a drunkard’s thirst for cynicism, and they feed upon despair as a starving man upon a loaf of bread.»

- Dean Koontz in Odd Thomas

On baggage we bring with us

«We are not, however, a species that can choose the baggage with which it must travel. In spite of our best intentions, we always find that we have brought along a suitcase or two of darkness, and misery

- From Odd Thomas of Dean Koontz

Rant 101

I'm about to fall asleep in my own desk.
Fall asleep over the computer.
If only I would close my eyes... just for a moment... or two...

Not even the sugar is making me feeling less sleepy.

Why do I rant so much these days? Really, everything is reaching my nerves. Damm.

Times like these...

There are times and moments that make me feel I'm out of this world, even out of my body. I can't think straight of what I intended to do or what I was going to do. Then I look to the nearest watch and time have passed by while I was lost in some fantasy world that I can't even describe very well.

This often happens when I'm "trying" to work in front of my tv, with the tv on in some crazy shows that I normally would never watch, unless I was really bored or had a some kind of brain damage*. But the living room is comfortable than being at the desk. The living room is warmer and I can see the mountain and the blue sky, my room and workspace is cold, dark and the internet sucks there. Why not going to the office? I don't want to walk there, because I have to carry half the world on my shoulders, then it's cold there, it's dark too, because it's a basement. Sometimes I feel like it's a cubicle and most of the times I can't even see the backyard very well.

With all that said I need to get out of this cycle and work.

*I can't use spotify because my computer is going crazy with the internet making all the musics sound like crazy remix, I can't use itunes because I can't install it on the computer. Some component it's giving error and It's driving me crazy not having a way to listen to my music. This also increases the time I just turn the tv on to listen something. It's insane.

It's insane easier to surf the web in my tiny and slow tablet than in my pc!?!
I love my pc, but sometimes I just want to throw it out of the window, smash it with a hammer or just scream out loud with it. (guess the one that I actually do sometimes... yeap scream and call it bad names).

I'm just going to break, I mean wash some dishes before going back to this pc-madness.

Começos e re-começos

este início de ano foi bastante sui generis. e lamechices à parte, o início foi tão intenso - cheio de promessas de coisas novas e projectos interessantes que não estava à espera de ter
um precalso logo logo a seguir. isto de familaires engripados é uma chatice, que se torna ainda mais chata quando a seguir ficamos nós.

mas o precalso está quase ultrapassado, e enquanto o ultrapasso vou abrindo caminho para regressar aos projetos que 2014, enquanto puder, eles não me vão fugir assim tão facilmente. 

e se falo em re-começos é porque quero voltar a esse caminho que ando a desbravar, é porque quero me tornar independente. é um longo caminho, mas com projetos interessantes vou-me divertir à brava...
"- Mundos - balbuciou ela entre dentes. - Mundos de diferança. Mas eu consigo fazer isto."
"E perguntou-se onde teria ela deixado o resto de si. E porquê."
"E, fechando os olhos, cedeu à exaustão de ter de fingir ser normal."

living in a bubble

detail of an illustration

she felt like she lived in bubble.
sometimes, some days she could hear what was going outside. she could hear, but not completely understand it. there was always bits, parts, chunks that she couldn't quite get it.

it is hard to reach the outside of the bubble. unconsciously sometimes she doesn't even try to reach out, she is so wrapped with her own little bubble, with her little world, her (and hers only) world.

[it's easy to lose track of reality]

[it's easy to disconnect]

[it's easy to live in a fantasy]

head on the clouds | 012/365

Well last week I was down, because I was sick, this week it's my family that isn't that well. Nothing serious (I hope, I guess we are all hoping that) but the going to the doctor as been more than the regular.
The regular feeling as been that head in the clouds. Can't focus for too long on something, can't manage to do things that I know that I have to do. When I finally do realise about time, it's usually too late.

Truth is that, though I might think this kind of things can't affect me, they get me in the end (middle or elsewhere).

I need to organize my head, my life, and also accept a couple other things, until then I'll be in the clouds.


At this time of the year many people wish good things that the new year shall bring. I have no idea what this new year will bring.

What I hope to act this year is totally different thing.
I hope to stand my ground, and keep the promises I make to myself.
I'll be 25, and I hope, that  even before that I start to work on fulfilling some of my dreams and personal projects.

(I know that won't be easy, mainly because it's hard for me to keep the promises and commitments that I made with myself, the others and the commitments I made with others come in first place. Saying no, and I can't to the others hasn't being an option, but will have to be sometimes. Other way it won't be possible to achieve my goals. - and I have so many of them. So many that I have been postponing just because of this and that and others.)

but things might change... if i stand my ground...