I'll keep doing my thing

Estou a ter um momento de f*ck the world!

Há dias e momentos que parece que só existem obstáculos e mais obstáculos. Por muito que uma pessoa queira manter o espírito aberto e positivo há sempre algo ou alguém a fazer cair-nos no buraco.

(é em momentos destes que passo de uma melancolia absurda a raiva cega com picos alternados de apatia -mas desistir é que não faz parte dos planos!).

On being more naive and simple-hearted

“As a general rule, people, even the wicked, are much more naïve and simple-hearted than we suppose. And we ourselves are, too.”
 — Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

On unconditional Love

"I was told love should be unconditional. That’s the rule, everyone says so. But if love has no boundaries, no limits, no conditions, why should anyone try to do the right thing ever? If I know I am loved no matter what, where is the challenge? I am supposed to love Nick despite all his shortcomings. And Nick is supposed to love me despite my quirks. But clearly, neither of us does. It makes me think that everyone is very wrong, that love should have many conditions. Love should require both partners to be their very best at all times. Unconditional love is an undisciplined love, and as we all have seen, undisciplined love is disastrous."

- Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Can a small group make a difference?

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” 

- Margaret Mead

On being an only child

"Our only one. There is an unfair responsibility that comes with being an only child – you grow up knowing you aren’t allowed to disappoint, you’re not even allowed to die. There isn’t a replacement toddling around; you’re it. It makes you desperate to be flawless, and it also makes you drunk with the power. In such ways are despots made." 
- Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Meaning of To become spring

Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.
— The Little Prince 

Inner monologues

«A lot of people lacked that gift: knowing when to fuck off. People love talking, and I have never been a huge talker. I carry on an inner monologue, but the words often don’t reach my lips. She looks nice today, I’d think, but somehow it wouldn’t occur to me to say it out loud. My mom talked, my sister talked. I’d been raised to listen. So, sitting on the couch by myself, not talking, felt decadent.»

- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

On pretending to have a personality

«I was pretending, the way I often did, pretending to have a personality. I can’t help it, it’s what I’ve always done: The way some women change fashion regularly, I change personalities. What persona feels good, what’s coveted, what’s au courant? I think most people do this, they just don’t admit it, or else they settle on one persona because they’re too lazy or stupid to pull off a switch."

- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

it’s been years since I even really liked someone

«I go home and cry for a while. I am almost thirty-two. That’s not old, especially not in New York, but fact is, it’s been years since I even really liked someone. So how likely is it I’ll meet someone I love, much less someone I love enough to marry? I’m tired of not knowing who I’ll be with, or if I’ll be with anyone.»

- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

about the same eared script.

«I can’t recall a single amazing thing I have seen firsthand that I didn’t immediately reference to a movie or TV show. A fucking commercial. You know the awful singsong of the blasé: Seeeen it. I’ve literally seen it all, and the worst thing, the thing that makes me want to blow my brains out, is: The secondhand experience is always better. The image is crisper, the view is keener, the camera angle and the soundtrack manipulate my emotions in a way reality can’t anymore. I don’t know that we are actually human at this point, those of us who are like most of us, who grew up with TV and movies and now the Internet. If we are betrayed, we know the words to say; when a loved one dies, we know the words to say. If we want to play the stud or the smart-ass or the fool, we know the words to say. We are all working from the same dog-eared script. It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless automat of characters. And if all of us are play-acting, there can be no such thing as a soul mate, because we don’t have genuine souls.»

- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

On envolving style

The style of the house hasn’t been planned. It’s a spontaneous accumulation of things I’ve gathered for years. I believe that when you consistently buy things that speak to you, they work together. Style should evolve, You have to be open to change.” 

words of Anne Ziegler via sfgirlbybay blog on the domino sneak peak blog post.

On finding peace

unknown source

Infinitive Mutability

"Love is the world’s infinite mutability; lies, hatred, murder even, are all knit up in it; it is the inevitable blossoming of its opposites, a magnificent rose smelling faintly of blood." Tony Kushner

é tudo a mesma coisa

é sempre a mesma coisa!

só faz falta quem está certo? pelo menos é o que se diz.
a minha vida pontua-se pelas ausências, daí fazer falta... bem em lado nenhum. Muitas vezes nem quando estou presente. (e é quando custa mais)

em que posição é que isto me deixa? ermita... solitária. cada vez me consola mais essa situação. só, mas oh orgulhosamente só! (ridículo pensamento) apesar de cada vez mais real. 
nem no mundo virtual faço contactos. 

estou a chegar a um quarto de século e a realidade é que cada vez mais me isolo, seja duma maneira ou de outra. cada vez mais me fecho e protejo os meus pensamentos e sentimentos, de tudo, de todos.
é fácil refugiar-me na ficção e em projectos-que-um-dia-vou-começar-e-talvez-acabar.

e assim se passam os dias enquanto a primavera teima em não chegar.