"E perguntou-se onde teria ela deixado o resto de si. E porquê."

"E, fechando os olhos, cedeu à exaustão de ter de fingir ser normal."

living in a bubble

detail of an illustration

she felt like she lived in bubble.
sometimes, some days she could hear what was going outside. she could hear, but not completely understand it. there was always bits, parts, chunks that she couldn't quite get it.

it is hard to reach the outside of the bubble. unconsciously sometimes she doesn't even try to reach out, she is so wrapped with her own little bubble, with her little world, her (and hers only) world.

[it's easy to lose track of reality]

[it's easy to disconnect]

[it's easy to live in a fantasy]

head on the clouds | 012/365

Well last week I was down, because I was sick, this week it's my family that isn't that well. Nothing serious (I hope, I guess we are all hoping that) but the going to the doctor as been more than the regular.
The regular feeling as been that head in the clouds. Can't focus for too long on something, can't manage to do things that I know that I have to do. When I finally do realise about time, it's usually too late.

Truth is that, though I might think this kind of things can't affect me, they get me in the end (middle or elsewhere).

I need to organize my head, my life, and also accept a couple other things, until then I'll be in the clouds.

2014

At this time of the year many people wish good things that the new year shall bring. I have no idea what this new year will bring.

What I hope to act this year is totally different thing.
I hope to stand my ground, and keep the promises I make to myself.
I'll be 25, and I hope, that  even before that I start to work on fulfilling some of my dreams and personal projects.

(I know that won't be easy, mainly because it's hard for me to keep the promises and commitments that I made with myself, the others and the commitments I made with others come in first place. Saying no, and I can't to the others hasn't being an option, but will have to be sometimes. Other way it won't be possible to achieve my goals. - and I have so many of them. So many that I have been postponing just because of this and that and others.)

but things might change... if i stand my ground...

2014

illustration by A outra mafalda

a noite começava-se a alongar. em vez de se ir deitar, levantou-se do sofá para mais um ataque à cozinha.
uma desculpa (parva) - energia para trabalhar, oh e que trabalho estava a fazer.
zapping entre programas de televisão inúteis enquanto adiava um trabalho aborrecido, vagueava pelas redes socais sem parar muito tempo em cada lado...

(é hoje que ela regressa.)
e em vão espera. espera por uma palavra que não chega.
(mas eu não espero nada).
espera sim, e em vão tenta não desesperar.

é inveja. (mas sentir inveja é mau)
é solidão. (a solidão por vezes grita no silêncio ensurdecedor).

é começar a sentir-se inadequada, inapropriada, desajustada.
mas ao mesmo tempo não querer adequar-se, ser apropriada e ajustar-se.

e pensar que tudo consegue e na cegueira pouco conquistar.
e passar noites em claro a pensar, ou evitar pensar.
é fugir para a fantasia sempre que algum sentimento mais forte se sobreponha.

é esquecer o mundo, porque ele nunca se lembra dela.