Bolachas Doces e Salgadas \\ Cookies Sweet and Salty

Quem me conhece sabe que tenho uma pequena obsessão por bolachas. As de Açúcar já as tinha feito num Natal anterior (lá para os lados de 2010). Mas saíram totalmente diferentes. Na altura tinha juntado fermento e bicabornato de sódio à farinha; além disso não tinha rolo da massa para estender massa, logo ficaram umas bolachas altas e que ainda por cima cresceram quase para o dobro do tamanho perdendo grande parte da forma que lhes tinha sido dada.
E se antes já tinha feito muffins salgados, porque não experimentar fazer o mesmo com bolachas?
\\
Who knows me well, knows that I have a serious obsession for cookies. The sugar ones I had already made in Christmas passed (around 2010, while was living in Germany). But they come out completely different. Back then I've used baking soda and I didn't have any rolling pin to roll the dough, therefore the cookies were too thick and also somehow they grow to double of their size almost loosing their shape.
And if before I've tried a couple a different combinations with salty muffins, why not try the same with cookies? 

Bolachas de Açúcar\\ Sugar Cookies (adaptada da receita Sugar Cookies de JoyofBaking.com \\ adapted from the Sugar Cookies of JoyofBaking.com - my holy grail for baking goodies)

400gr de farinha \\ 400gr plain flour
1 pitada de sal (que pode ser eliminada se a manteiga tiver sal) \\ pinch of salt (if the butter is unsalted)
200gr manteiga à temperatura ambiente \\ 200gr of butter at room temperature
200gr açucar branco \\ 200gr of white sugar
2 ovos \\ 2 eggs

Misturar o açucar com a manteiga até formar uma massa leve. Adicionar os ovos. Lentamente começar a incorporar a farinha nesta mistura até formar uma massa uniforme. Dividir a massa em várias partes (duas ou quatro), envolver em papel aderente e levar ao frigorifico no mínimo uma hora.
Pré-aquecer o forno entre 180º e 200ºC.
Retirar uma parte da massa refrigerada e estender numa superficie enfarinhada até ter a espessura desejada. Corte-se a massa com cortadores de bolachas e distribui-se por um tabuleiro forrado com papel vegetal. Consoante a espessura das bolachas demoram 8 a 12 minutos a cozinhar.
\\
Mix the sugar with the buter until it forms a fluffy dough. Add the eggs. Slowly incorporate the flour into the mixture until all the dough it's uniform. Divide the dough into parts (two or four), wrap it into plastic wrap and take to the fridge for at least one hour.
Preheat the oven between 180ºC and 200ºC.
Take one part of the refrigerated dough and on a lightly floured surface roll out the dough to a thickness that you desire. (I like them really thin). Cut the dough with cookie cutters in the shape you like most. Spread the cookies into a oven tray lined with baking sheet.
The cookies may take 8 to 12 minutes to cook.

Bolachas de Queijo Mozarella com Sementes de Linhaça \\ Mozarella Cheese Cookies with flax seeds (aadaptada das Parmesan Shortbreads da Nigella Lawson\\ adapted from the Parmesan Shortbreads by Nigella Lawson e/and Rosemary Parmesan Biscuits by Taste.com.au)

200gr Farinha s/ fermento \\ 200gr plain flour
120gr Manteiga \\ 120gr of butter (salted or unsalted depends what type of cheese you want to use).
150gr Queijo Mozzarella seco ralado \\ 150gr of Mozzarella Cheese, Grated (you can use other kind of cheese like parmesan)
2 ovos \\ 2 Eggs
100gr de Sementes de Linhaça \\ 100gr of flax seeds
Alho em pó q.b. \\ Garlic powder (depend how much you like the garlic flavour.)
Oregãos secos q.b. (ou outras ervas secas à escolha) \\ Dried Oregano (or other dried herbs of you choice).
Sal grosso q.b. \\ Pinch of Salt (depends how salty you want them to be).

Misturam-se todos os ingredientes até formarem uma massa uniforme. Divide-se em duas ou quatro partes, que se envolvem separadamente em papel aderente e levam-se ao frigorifico no mínimo de uma hora.
Pré-aquecer o forno a 200ºC.
Retirar uma parte da massa e estende-se com o auxílio de um rolo de cozinha sobre uma superficie enfarinhada até obter a espessura desejada. Neste caso foi uma espessura fina. Corta-se a massa estendida com cortadores de bolachas e distribuiem-se pelo tabuleiro forrado com papel vegetal. Se forem finas vão ao forno entre os 10 a 12 minutos.
\\
Blend all the ingredients until have a uniform dough. Divide it into two or four parts, and wrap them into plastic wrap and take to the fridge for at least one hour.
Pre-heat the oven to 200ºC
Take from the fridge one part of the dough and roll it with a rolling pin over dusted with flour surface, until you reach the desired thickness. Cut the dough with cookie cutters and spread the cookies into a oven tray lined with baking sheet. If they are really thin and with mozzarella cheese they go to the oven for 10 to 12 minutes.

3am BINGO!

BINGO! \\ Torres Vedras (2012), PT

Start working at 3am because you're feeling to sick to go to sleep?
Now that sounds like a great idea! Humhum

Late dinner make me feel sick. And now I'm tired but too restless to go to sleep. This is not good.

So let's design shall we?
And maybe when the sunrises again I might feel tired enough to actually go to sleep.... or I just might drink some coffee and turn on the tv and watch stupid shows.

Short {after midnight} story #2

All that she ever wanted was to be loved.
Be accepted for what she was.
Let down the mask and be with someone that she didn't need to hide parts of her, that's she didn't need to tell sweet little lies.

She just wanted to be free from the standards that restrain her.
Be like a bird, spread her wings and fly away... so far away.

It wasn't that easy to do, not even in her fantasies she managed to be free.
She was locked down by her fears, her beliefs, values and tears.

There was no escape... no escape from herself!

Solitude

Solitude \\ Miramar, Capela do Senhor da Pedra (2013)

How can someone spend her day dragging herself from hour to hour, just to realize the day has passed... it's gone, she didn't do nothing. Accomplished nothing, nothing that she can hold in her tired hands.
Because she's tired, oh so tired.
All she wants is to lay her head in the soft sand and let it all go.
Close herself in her cocoon and have some closure.

And let it all go.

The Beard man said \\ Life is too short

Up up until the end of the golden path  | Golden & Brown Fall Series \\ Cucos (2011), TV, PT

“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.” 

 — C. JoyBell C.

Another Black day \\ Church Door (2005) Dois Portos, PT

What to do when you find out that something you thought it was real it's fake?
Or to be more specific, I thought someone was something, I deep believed it, and more I know the person, more I know it's fake, and fake. I swear that I thought I was different, what we had was different. But apparently I was wrong.

It's something that's bothering me, and more time I let it go, worse I feel about. I don't want to deal with it, and with the person. All this gives knots in the stomach. I find myself not wanting to do things that I usually enjoy.

I'm just tired of this.

1am - Panic Attack

I'm having one of those freak out moments!
I'm excited with all the things that are going to happen this week and during the month. At the same time, as I can't control when and some of them how, I'm getting insecure, I'm doubting if it is too much things.
Seriously freaking out!!!

My heart is beating fast, my breath is a bit uncontrolled...
Yes I'm having a panic attack.
Which might be a good thing after all - if I solve it the right way.
It just might keep me awake all night! - and that's not good.

Just calming myself and write all of this helps.
My mind can be incoherent many times, moving fast and faster without focusing in anything. Leading to make me feel disoriented and losing control. By focusing in small task, even if it is just written what I'm feeling it helps to calm myself and start to solve the problems I have in hands.

Thinking and written in another language also force me to calm too. Thought I can pretty much think and write in english as almost my native tongue. Almost. Not quite there yet.

Back to the turmoil in my head, all the things that I propose myself to do will make me have to postpone other things that I want to do. But that's life right? Sometimes you have to give up or postpone certain things to accomplish others. For certain things to work you have to work hard and commit. But sometimes is so hard to commit! It's so hard to commit one way when you feel (even for rare moments) that others aren't committing as much as you! And that you are always finding excuses for the others, and until you hear ourself out loud you don't realise what you're doing, or how sad is what you're doing.

I dream big. Often too big, and also often I dream the finale, not the middle, or the steps and hard work to accomplish it. Then I lost motivation - and I write here.

I always think that I can do everything, and always creating new things to do, even if haven't finished what I already had started.
When I have an idea, I want to do it in that exact moment. But that's not realistic.
Things take time. Understanding this is growing up. But I still need to realise this on day to day, and not just remember it every time I analyze things.

Realizing that I'm 24 and just now I waking up for my future, and still that looks so uncertain.
Day to day can be a struggle. Some days I have the whole world strenght and will, other's I just wanna curl in my blankets.
I have lucid moments that I know what I want and how to get it! But most of the time I feel like wandering lost for one thing to another.

It makes me sad knowing how bad I am on keeping people around me, or even how still this days I can't and won't open myself to others. I can count people I consider friends by one hand (with most of the fingers left out). But most of the time I feel I can't rely on almost no one, often not even in myself. I don't like to pretend what I'm not, but I don't like either to let people in. I can either tell a lot, or just say nothing at all.

I'm in cocoon. A bubble, where I can see the world, but most of the times can't pass through - I don't know how to act, what to say... I want to be able to go somewhere and say this is me, this what I do and what I like, this are my believes... But let's be honest, that's kind of hard when you don't know how to present yourself, or you don't believe you are at your best.

I'm not good at doing things for myself! I'm not good for myself. I should have solve this kind of problems long time ago. It's so sad that the problems that I have with myself are still the same that I had when I was a child, and a small one. In one hand I know that I'm different, and somehow most of things I wouldn't change. But at the same time I can't get over that! I fear confrontation, I'm alone, but I fear to be lonely. I cherish the time I spend with myself but I don't wanna be that way forever and all the time.

I can't solve this problems. I choose to ignore them most of the times. It's easier to live this way. Hide everything deep inside of me. (and this can be so harmful).

When I get insecure or fearful everything comes back in a big wave to put me down. I can spend days is this state if I'm not careful. Sometimes I think that in the past I spend weeks, months even in this kind of state, so tight by my fears that I could make a move. I couldn't create, I couldn't do nothing, and when I had to, I manage to convince myself that it wasn't worthy. It wasn't worthy to have all the work to accomplish this because no one would appreciate it. It wasn't worthy because I hadn't the skills and I had not time for it. I wasn't worthy... Why would anyone would care about what I was doing? I'm nothing special, why would someone care? I'm not perfect, and I can't do perfect things - why would someone like the things that I do? I feel I know nothing, why would anyone think that I know something? I'm grumpy and gloomy, why would anyone ask me things as if I am someone nice to talk to? I'm inadequate... and sometimes I still think all of this and believe in it.

Couldn't finish my master thesis based on my stupidity and fear. Lost all the love I had for that project in the process.
At the same time learn I could still create! That I was able to relate to new people, though not making new friendships.
Learn that I could dream again, that I plan and start to make things. And though that's all good, I still can't accept me for what I am, I can't love me, I have moments that I don't believe myself or even can stand myself.

Nowadays I often act like I'm a teenager, I answer back, raise my voice... all things that I haven't done when I was a teenager. It pisses me of that I do this kind of things. People aren't guilty for my flaws and faults.
I feel that at this age I should be conquering the world, not spending my 24/7 in front a computer on the internet. I feel that I should be enjoying other things out of my own room, by my own or with friends, and not leaving home every time my parents are. Or wait for them to do things. That's kinda of sad in so many levels.

This is ridiculous especially for someone that considers freedom so important... and therefore is so dependent.

It's sad that I've started this text at 1am and now it's 3 and I'm still here. Tears have rolled out of my eyes. They are dry now. I'm not anxious anymore, but can't sleep either. I felt angry, but feel calm now.
My feelings are a turmoil, and change faster than the weather.

And I feel that I have nothing else to say... at least for now.