"Our only one. There is an unfair responsibility that comes with being an only child – you grow up knowing you aren’t allowed to disappoint, you’re not even allowed to die. There isn’t a replacement toddling around; you’re it. It makes you desperate to be flawless, and it also makes you drunk with the power. In such ways are despots made."
- Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
Meaning of To become spring
“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.”
Inner monologues
«A lot of people lacked that gift: knowing when to fuck off. People love talking, and I have never been a huge talker. I carry on an inner monologue, but the words often don’t reach my lips. She looks nice today, I’d think, but somehow it wouldn’t occur to me to say it out loud. My mom talked, my sister talked. I’d been raised to listen. So, sitting on the couch by myself, not talking, felt decadent.»
- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
On pretending to have a personality
«I was pretending, the way I often did, pretending to have a personality. I can’t help it, it’s what I’ve always done: The way some women change fashion regularly, I change personalities. What persona feels good, what’s coveted, what’s au courant? I think most people do this, they just don’t admit it, or else they settle on one persona because they’re too lazy or stupid to pull off a switch."
- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
it’s been years since I even really liked someone
«I go home and cry for a while. I am almost thirty-two. That’s not old, especially not in New York, but fact is, it’s been years since I even really liked someone. So how likely is it I’ll meet someone I love, much less someone I love enough to marry? I’m tired of not knowing who I’ll be with, or if I’ll be with anyone.»
- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
about the same eared script.
«I can’t recall a single amazing thing I have seen firsthand that I didn’t immediately reference to a movie or TV show. A fucking commercial. You know the awful singsong of the blasé: Seeeen it. I’ve literally seen it all, and the worst thing, the thing that makes me want to blow my brains out, is: The secondhand experience is always better. The image is crisper, the view is keener, the camera angle and the soundtrack manipulate my emotions in a way reality can’t anymore. I don’t know that we are actually human at this point, those of us who are like most of us, who grew up with TV and movies and now the Internet. If we are betrayed, we know the words to say; when a loved one dies, we know the words to say. If we want to play the stud or the smart-ass or the fool, we know the words to say. We are all working from the same dog-eared script.
It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless automat of characters.
And if all of us are play-acting, there can be no such thing as a soul mate, because we don’t have genuine souls.»
- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
- in Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
On envolving style
“The style of the house hasn’t been planned. It’s a spontaneous accumulation of things I’ve gathered for years. I believe that when you consistently buy things that speak to you, they work together. Style should evolve, You have to be open to change.”
words of Anne Ziegler via sfgirlbybay blog on the domino sneak peak blog post.
words of Anne Ziegler via sfgirlbybay blog on the domino sneak peak blog post.
Infinitive Mutability
"Love is the world’s infinite mutability; lies, hatred, murder even, are all knit up in it; it is the inevitable blossoming of its opposites, a magnificent rose smelling faintly of blood." Tony Kushner
é tudo a mesma coisa
é sempre a mesma coisa!
só faz falta quem está certo? pelo menos é o que se diz.
a minha vida pontua-se pelas ausências, daí fazer falta... bem em lado nenhum. Muitas vezes nem quando estou presente. (e é quando custa mais)
em que posição é que isto me deixa? ermita... solitária. cada vez me consola mais essa situação. só, mas oh orgulhosamente só! (ridículo pensamento) apesar de cada vez mais real.
nem no mundo virtual faço contactos.
estou a chegar a um quarto de século e a realidade é que cada vez mais me isolo, seja duma maneira ou de outra. cada vez mais me fecho e protejo os meus pensamentos e sentimentos, de tudo, de todos.
é fácil refugiar-me na ficção e em projectos-que-um-dia-vou-começar-e-talvez-acabar.
e assim se passam os dias enquanto a primavera teima em não chegar.
The Chamber of Unreasonble Guilt
''Recognizing the structure of your psychology doesn’t mean that you can easily rebuild it. The Chamber of Unreasonable Guilt is part of my mental architecture, and I doubt that I will ever be able to renovate that particular room in this strange castle that is me.''
Dean Koontz in Odd Thomas.
On believing - Quote
«Most people desperately desire to believe that they are part of a great mystery, that Creation is a work of grace and glory, not merely the result of random forces colliding. Yet each time that they are given but one reason to doubt, a worm in the apple of the heart makes them turn away from a thousand proofs of the miraculous, whereupon they have a drunkard’s thirst for cynicism, and they feed upon despair as a starving man upon a loaf of bread.»
- Dean Koontz in Odd Thomas
On baggage we bring with us
«We are not, however, a species that can choose the baggage with which it must travel. In spite of our best intentions, we always find that we have brought along a suitcase or two of darkness, and misery.»
- From Odd Thomas of Dean Koontz
Rant 101
I'm about to fall asleep in my own desk.
Fall asleep over the computer.
If only I would close my eyes... just for a moment... or two...
Not even the sugar is making me feeling less sleepy.
Why do I rant so much these days? Really, everything is reaching my nerves. Damm.
Times like these...
There are times and moments that make me feel I'm out of this world, even out of my body. I can't think straight of what I intended to do or what I was going to do. Then I look to the nearest watch and time have passed by while I was lost in some fantasy world that I can't even describe very well.
This often happens when I'm "trying" to work in front of my tv, with the tv on in some crazy shows that I normally would never watch, unless I was really bored or had a some kind of brain damage*. But the living room is comfortable than being at the desk. The living room is warmer and I can see the mountain and the blue sky, my room and workspace is cold, dark and the internet sucks there. Why not going to the office? I don't want to walk there, because I have to carry half the world on my shoulders, then it's cold there, it's dark too, because it's a basement. Sometimes I feel like it's a cubicle and most of the times I can't even see the backyard very well.
With all that said I need to get out of this cycle and work.
*I can't use spotify because my computer is going crazy with the internet making all the musics sound like crazy remix, I can't use itunes because I can't install it on the computer. Some component it's giving error and It's driving me crazy not having a way to listen to my music. This also increases the time I just turn the tv on to listen something. It's insane.
It's insane easier to surf the web in my tiny and slow tablet than in my pc!?!
I love my pc, but sometimes I just want to throw it out of the window, smash it with a hammer or just scream out loud with it. (guess the one that I actually do sometimes... yeap scream and call it bad names).
I'm just going to break, I mean wash some dishes before going back to this pc-madness.
This often happens when I'm "trying" to work in front of my tv, with the tv on in some crazy shows that I normally would never watch, unless I was really bored or had a some kind of brain damage*. But the living room is comfortable than being at the desk. The living room is warmer and I can see the mountain and the blue sky, my room and workspace is cold, dark and the internet sucks there. Why not going to the office? I don't want to walk there, because I have to carry half the world on my shoulders, then it's cold there, it's dark too, because it's a basement. Sometimes I feel like it's a cubicle and most of the times I can't even see the backyard very well.
With all that said I need to get out of this cycle and work.
*I can't use spotify because my computer is going crazy with the internet making all the musics sound like crazy remix, I can't use itunes because I can't install it on the computer. Some component it's giving error and It's driving me crazy not having a way to listen to my music. This also increases the time I just turn the tv on to listen something. It's insane.
It's insane easier to surf the web in my tiny and slow tablet than in my pc!?!
I love my pc, but sometimes I just want to throw it out of the window, smash it with a hammer or just scream out loud with it. (guess the one that I actually do sometimes... yeap scream and call it bad names).
I'm just going to break, I mean wash some dishes before going back to this pc-madness.
Começos e re-começos
este início de ano foi bastante sui generis. e lamechices à parte, o início foi tão intenso - cheio de promessas de coisas novas e projectos interessantes que não estava à espera de ter
um precalso logo logo a seguir. isto de familaires engripados é uma chatice, que se torna ainda mais chata quando a seguir ficamos nós.
mas o precalso está quase ultrapassado, e enquanto o ultrapasso vou abrindo caminho para regressar aos projetos que 2014, enquanto puder, eles não me vão fugir assim tão facilmente.
e se falo em re-começos é porque quero voltar a esse caminho que ando a desbravar, é porque quero me tornar independente. é um longo caminho, mas com projetos interessantes vou-me divertir à brava...
living in a bubble
 |
| detail of an illustration |
she felt like she lived in bubble.
sometimes, some days she could hear what was going outside. she could hear, but not completely understand it. there was always bits, parts, chunks that she couldn't quite get it.
it is hard to reach the outside of the bubble. unconsciously sometimes she doesn't even try to reach out, she is so wrapped with her own little bubble, with her little world, her (and hers only) world.
[it's easy to lose track of reality]
[it's easy to disconnect]
[it's easy to live in a fantasy]
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